Exercise #6

The same scene keeps replaying.

There's a knock on the door and it's Katie.

She never knocks.

She's died her hair purple. I wonder if it's because she wanted to, or just to make her mother angry.

She says she's leaving.

Bethany, my labradoodle, is warm up against my leg, poking her head out the door. The crickets are chirping loudly. She puts her hand on the my arm, says not to worry. She's moving away from me. She's leaving me.

I stand at the door.

Her hair is still wet. I take it in my fingers and the plum rubs off. The chirping is loud. She says she's leaving me. I feel my heart pounding in my chest, through my arms and legs, my toes and fingers. Bethany is warm against my leg.

Katie touches my arm, says it's not a big deal. I wonder if she can feel my shaking.

I tell her not to go.

She turns around. She runs.

I expect it's the mailman when I hear the knock, but it's Katie. She sniffs. She won't meet my eyes. I feel her wet hair. I don't know how I can move when my blood beats so hard.

Where? I ask.

She doesn't know.

It is humid. Crickets are chirping. They count off the seconds.

She turns to go. Can't stop her. Have never been able to.

The humidity bursts against my face. I search her face while I finger her hair. I'm just trying to understand why.

When? I ask.

She says now. Right now she is leaving. Each chirp is a second lost.

I want to ask if she'll come back.

I don't ask. She might say no.

“Baby, your hair,” I say. She asks if I like it. “It suits you,” and I try to smile.

Beverly leans against my leg. I can feel her heart beating.

I tell her I don't want her to leave. It won't make any difference.

Her hair falls from my fingers as she turns. She walks away. My fingertips are stained purple.

I don't expect her at the door, but when I see her, I know why she's come. She doesn't look at me. I say things because I feel like I should. I imagine she's here for the same reason. I wish the crickets would settle down so I could hear. The wind is blowing, but I feel like I can't breathe through the humidity. Bethany won't leave my side. Katie turns and walks away from me. How can she move so quickly at a time like this?